Ok guys…today I am going to get a little heavy on you. I just read a book yesterday that I want to share with everyone. The book is titled “Outgrowing the Pain: A Book for and About Adults Abused As Children”
I read this book just yesterday, because I experienced many forms of abused as a child, and I am still working at undoing the effects of the abuse in my adult years. Actually, by reading this book I realized I was subjected to about four major types of abuse. This is ESPECIALLY important to me, since it looks like beginning our family is on the agenda this next year (which I am over-the-moon-excited about…I feel like becoming a mother will be my biggest accomplishment in life). I want to make sure I am prepared to be the best mother I can be, and I am doing this by raising my self-awareness to the next level by focusing on transcending to help others.
The reason I am sharing this with you all on the site, is because as I read the book I realized that my eating disorder sprouted from the abuses I endured. Like a little tiny light bulb went off in my head. It was not the media, or my ballet teacher, or the cruel kids at school (although those factors did not help)…it was a direct result of the abuse I endured from as a child. In fact, I notice my biggest relapses were when I would let old abusive people back into my life for a brief loving period, where I would try to be accepting and forgiving for everything they did to me as a child in hopes of us having a relationship, but then the exact same abusive behavior would repeat leaving me feeling like a helpless and hopeless child again. Yup, right back to square one.
I want to be open about this, because I feel like a lot of people have also experienced childhood abuse and the more I talk about it the more people come forth with abuse stories they have never told anyone, or didn’t realize fell under the category of “abuse”.
Some of the horrible side-effects of abuse are:
- low or no self-esteem
- feeling worthless and unloved
- fears and control issues that are developed
- the inability to “fit in”
- the inability to welcome success and achievement into your life
- difficulty having intimate relationship
- the desire to have control over everything in your life
The main point I want to bring to everyone’s attention is that these are VERY similar, if not exactly the same, to the feelings that someone with an eating disorder will have.
I am not saying that everyone with an eating disorder has been abused as a child, what I am intending to say with this post, is there is a possibility that your eating disorder is stemming from unresolved traumas. If you have endured something in your childhood that just did not feel right, or that your are suppressing by trying to justify it…my message to you is to SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP, and reading this book can be your very first step…it was for me, just yesterday!
There are many psychologists that solely focus on childhood abuse. Don’t do what I did for 13 years, which was pretend that it was “not that bad”, or convince myself that “others have had it worse and why am I complaining”, or “it was not their fault, they were abused as a child”. Realize that if you experienced ANY form of abuse at ANY time in your life, IT IS NOT OKAY, and it could be subconsciously fueling your eating disorder. Everything that happens to us in our lifetime is relative to our own experiences. Meaning, just because you have seen others get it much worse does not mean that what YOU have experienced is any less-worse.
Realize that there are tons of people out there that can help you and serve as a support system for you to heal. All you have to do is be open and honest with yourself and your loved ones, and ask for their support. If you cannot find the support within your inner circle of friends and family, seek support groups and others who have been through the same thing and are on the other side, the healing side. They will help you get there too. AND I AM ONE OF THEM!
My inbox is always open to anyone who needs a friend, or someone to just listen to them. We have to stick together, and we can beat this together.
Also, a message to those who are supporting someone who has been abused, and/or is trying to recover from an eating disorder….GET SUPPORT FOR YOURSELF AS WELL. You may not understand why the person you love is acting the way they are acting, and it may very well turn into abuse itself. Be aware, if you cannot take care of yourself there is little chance you will be able to serve as a support to someone you love. Kind of like putting on an oxygen mask in an Airplane in the event of an emergency. Take care of yourself first, so you can have the ability to take care of the person next to you, if needed.
Much love to those still suffering, I am here for you.